{"id":970,"date":"2022-01-24T18:51:05","date_gmt":"2022-01-24T18:51:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/method.derosemeditation.com\/?p=970"},"modified":"2024-09-12T20:48:41","modified_gmt":"2024-09-12T23:48:41","slug":"sobre-aprender-a-ouvir-e-pedir-ajuda","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/sobre-aprender-a-ouvir-e-pedir-ajuda\/","title":{"rendered":"On Learning to Listen and Asking for Help"},"content":{"rendered":"

Many years ago, during a preview of an exhibition by the late great artist from the Brazilian state of Santa Catarina, Meyer Filho, I was contemplating his marvellous and colourful paintings of roosters, when a fellow guest at the exhibit approached me.<\/p>\n

We began to talk about the most varied range of topics, including arts, politics, the weather, and my professional specialty, which is re-educating habits via the DeRose Method.<\/p>\n

At some point during our animated discussion, my conversation partner began to tell me about a painful experience he was going through at the time. After listening to him for a few minutes, already anxious to offer my help, I interrupted him, suggesting a solution to his dilemma.<\/p>\n

He touched my arm as a way of subtly interrupting my sermon:<\/p>\n

\u2013 Excuse me, Joris, but I don\u2019t want you to solve my problem. I just want you to listen.<\/p>\n

Surprised by my new friend\u2019s request, I nonetheless stopped talking and listened, without interrupting him, for a good while longer.<\/p>\n

No entanto, aquela experi\u00eancia me ensinou \u00a02 coisas Importante, que levei para a minha vida:<\/p>\n

A 1\u00aa delas e que \u00e0s vezes, quando algu\u00e9m est\u00e1 nos compartilhar alguma coisa, necessariamente \u00a0ela n\u00e3o quer uma solu\u00e7\u00e3o, \u00a0mas apenas ser ouvida.<\/p>\n

The second thing I learned is that we all need friends, confidants, people we trust with whom we can share our doubts, desires and the decisions that form part of our lives.<\/p>\n

Observing myself and my fellow humans, I\u2019ve noticed we tend to believe that it\u2019s up to us and us alone to solve all our challenges ourselves, like heroes, able to withstand all impasses, setbacks and obstacles that come our way.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Have you ever seen an outing for widowers?<\/p>\n

No, because the majority die early, keeping to themselves the afflictions and worries inherent to our existence, while their late wives, who previously shared their worries and doubts, made their lives lighter, this being one of the reasons for which married men live longer.<\/p>\n

But whether we\u2019re men or women, what\u2019s important is that we all have at least a few people around us with whom we can talk about the vicissitudes that are intrinsic to the passage of time, instead of trying to be a hero or heroine; something that will eat away at our quality of life and even our life itself!<\/p>\n

Personally, I have surrounded myself with four people to whom I recurrently report my feelings, be they ones of joy or of doubt.<\/p>\n

The first of these is my life companion, Andressa Mezzomo, with whom I share a relationship of much complicity and trust. It seems obvious that my life partner would feature here, but there are dozens of couples who don\u2019t share such feelings with one another.<\/p>\n

The second person is my supervisor, Professor DeRose, who has been a friend for over 40 years, and, as well as his extensive existential jurisprudence, is truly wise. We talk weekly via telephone, and always share a good laugh and sometimes, dissect a challenge together.<\/p>\n

A third person to whom I report recurrently is my beloved therapist Karin Bacha, in conversations that are always rich in insights.<\/p>\n

And finally, a long-time friend, teacher and extraordinarily talented chef, Juarez Andersen.<\/p>\n

As you can see, I\u2019m surrounded by excellent people.<\/p>\n

But attention passengers: this is a two-way street. I\u2019m also a good listener to these people.<\/p>\n

We have to be careful not to become vampires, sucking the blood from our confidants. What\u2019s wonderful about this arrangement is that it will remain a rich, mutually beneficial and supportive bond.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed what you\u2019ve just read, like, comment and share with others who might be interested.<\/p>\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Muitos anos atr\u00e1s, em um vernissage do grande artista pl\u00e1stico catarinense, Mayer filho, j\u00e1 falecido, estava eu a contemplar suas maravilhosas e coloridas pinturas de galos, quando me aborda um dos convidados. Pusemo-nos a confabular sobre os mais variados temas incluindo artes, pol\u00edtica, o tempo abarcando tamb\u00e9m a minha especialidade profissional, que \u00e9 a reeduca\u00e7\u00e3o […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1287,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-970","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/970","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=970"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/970\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1287"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=970"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=970"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/derosemethod.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=970"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}